I Kept Looking for Help—Even When I Wasn’t Being Seen
By Monica Munson
Restorative Healing Haven
I kept looking for help.
Even when it was hard.
Even when it didn’t work.
Even when I left sessions feeling unseen.
And I want to say this clearly—
not everyone has the capacity to keep trying like that.
Therapy Was Always There
Being seen wasn’t.
My therapy journey didn’t start in my 20s.
It started right after I left my family’s home.
Except at the time, I didn’t understand what was happening.
I wasn’t thinking, “I just got out of an abusive environment.”
I was being told I was a rebellious teen.
By my family.
By people around them.
So when things escalated and I ended up in college without support…
I went to therapy.
My First Experience
I had Medicaid.
It was covered.
I picked someone local and easy to access.
I don’t remember the exact details.
But I remember the feeling.
I remember trying to explain the anger I had toward my dad.
Trying to make sense of what I was experiencing.
And somehow…
I still left feeling like I was the problem.
Like I just needed to adjust my perspective.
I didn’t have the language for trauma yet.
But I knew I didn’t feel understood.
So I stopped going.
And Then I Didn’t Try Again for Years
Not because I didn’t need help.
But because that experience told me:
this wasn’t going to help me.
That it might actually make things worse.
Therapy Didn’t Happen in a Straight Line
It wasn’t:
therapy → healing → done
It was:
trying, stopping, trying again
over and over.
Therapy showed up:
before life coaching
during life coaching
after life coaching
It was something I kept returning to
while my life was actively unfolding.
During:
ongoing family dynamics that never fully stopped affecting me
a 10-year abusive marriage
trying to function and survive at the same time
my eventual divorce
losing insurance after my termination
and having to start over again from scratch
Every time I went back, I was hoping:
maybe this time someone will actually understand what I’m trying to say
I’ve Seen Over 20 Therapists
And only a couple were able to hold space for me
in a way that actually felt safe.
That’s not an exaggeration.
That’s years of trying.
What Made It Harder to Be Seen
I’m autistic.
And I masked well.
I didn’t come into sessions shut down or unable to explain myself.
I came in:
aware
articulate
able to recognize patterns
Over time, I also developed my own understanding of:
somatic work
trauma
root cause patterns
I wasn’t guessing.
I was trying to collaborate.
But instead of that helping…
it often made things harder.
Because when trauma doesn’t look obvious,
and when someone can explain their experience clearly,
it’s easier for it to be missed.
Where Things Kept Breaking Down
There wasn’t just one issue.
It showed up in different ways.
Sometimes, I wasn’t being seen at all.
Other times, I was being heard…
but nothing was actually moving.
The sessions stayed at the level of:
listening
validating
and not going any deeper
And while validation matters—
it’s not the whole process.
I needed someone who could:
understand what I was carrying
stay present with it
and also help me shift patterns over time
Not force it.
Not rush it.
But also not avoid it.
Because healing isn’t just about being heard.
It’s also about being supported in change.
I Also Had to Advocate for My Disabilities
There were times I wasn’t just unseen in my trauma.
I was also invalidated in my disabilities.
And that added another layer to everything.
Because when you’re navigating:
trauma
neurodivergence
and physical conditions
you need someone who can hold all of that together.
Not minimize it.
Not question it.
But actually work with it.
There were therapists I chose to stop seeing because of that.
That Does Something to You
When you:
try to get help
explain what you’re experiencing
and leave feeling misunderstood
it chips away at your trust.
Not just in therapy.
In yourself.
You start asking:
am I explaining this wrong?
am I overreacting?
is this actually not that bad?
And over time…
you start to shrink what you share
just to avoid that feeling again.
I Didn’t Stop Because I Didn’t Want Help
I stopped because I wasn’t being met.
When It Finally Worked
I did eventually find a psychotherapist
who could actually hold space for me.
I worked with her consistently
for over two years.
And it was completely different.
Not because she had some perfect method.
But because:
she could see what I was carrying
she wasn’t thrown off by my awareness
she understood trauma beyond the surface
and she could stay present with it
Especially through my divorce.
That kind of support changed everything.
It gave me a foundation I hadn’t had before.
And Then I Lost That Support
When I lost my job, I lost my insurance.
Which meant I lost her too.
And since then…
it has taken me over 6 months
to try and find a replacement.
Finding the Right Fit Takes Time
This is something I don’t think we talk about enough.
Finding a therapist who can meet you at your depth
takes time.
Especially when:
you’re aware
you’ve done internal work
and you’re not coming in at the surface level
Not everyone knows how to meet you there.
And sometimes…
that depth can feel intimidating
to the wrong person.
It’s Not Just About Finding “A Therapist”
It’s about finding someone who can:
stay present with complexity
understand trauma beyond what’s visible
work with the body, not just the story
and support both awareness and change
That kind of match is rare.
But when you find it…
you feel it immediately.
This Is Why I Talk About Capacity
Because this isn’t theoretical for me.
I’ve been the client:
sitting across from someone
trying to be understood
and not being met there
When I say this work requires the ability to hold space for hard things…
it’s because I know what it feels like when that’s missing.
There Are Gaps in the Field
Especially around:
CPTSD
neurodivergence
masking
and the body’s role in trauma
These aren’t small gaps.
They affect whether people feel seen—or not.
If You’ve Had This Experience
If you’ve gone to therapy and felt like:
you weren’t being understood
you were “too much” or “too aware”
or something deeper was being missed
you’re not alone.
And it doesn’t mean you’re the problem.
Sometimes it just means
the person you were sitting with
wasn’t equipped to meet you where you were.
My Work Now
This is why my work focuses on:
meeting people where they actually are
working with the body, not just the story
pacing things so they don’t become overwhelming
and supporting both awareness and change
Because being understood shouldn’t take 20+ tries.
If You’re Looking for Support
I offer free consults to make sure we’re actually a good fit.
And I offer complementary holistic Mind-Body Trauma Healing sessions
for people who want support connecting back to their body
without overwhelm.
You don’t have to keep guessing if someone can meet you where you are.
📱 Text 269-767-8920 to learn more or book
Final Thought
Therapy was always there.
But the right kind of support wasn’t.
And that difference matters more than people realize.