Healing Is More Than Self-Care — It’s Grief, Boundaries, and Becoming

What Healing Really Feels Like

When we picture healing, we often imagine calm mornings, gentle yoga, and scented candles—the “self-care” version you see online.
And yes, those moments can be part of healing.
But the truth? Healing is often much messier, more raw, and more emotional than we expect.

If you’ve ever wondered why your healing journey feels so intense, you’re not alone.
This is what real healing can look and feel like:

Realizing Your Body Never Felt Safe

Not in your home.
Not in your skin.
Not even in your quiet moments.

When you grow up in an unsafe or unpredictable environment, your body learns to live in constant vigilance. The nervous system stays on guard—long after the danger has passed. Healing begins with noticing that your body has never known true rest… and slowly showing it what safety feels like.

Realizing You Were Raised in a War Zone

But no one told you it was war.
So you blamed yourself for the wounds.

Many survivors of abuse, neglect, or chronic stress think their childhood was “normal” because they had nothing else to compare it to. The moment you realize it wasn’t normal—it was survival—is the moment self-blame can start to loosen its grip.

Unlearning Praise That Was Really Performance

“You’re so mature.”
“You’re so strong.”
No—I was neglected.

For many of us, the qualities we were praised for as children were actually coping mechanisms. Being “strong” meant we had no safe place to cry. Being “mature” meant we had to raise ourselves. Healing means giving yourself permission to stop performing and start receiving care.

Holding Boundaries Even When You Shake

Because your nervous system still thinks love = obedience.

Standing firm in a boundary—especially with people who taught you to abandon yourself—can be terrifying. Your body might shake, your heart might race, and you might feel guilt or fear. This is your nervous system unlearning old survival rules and learning new ones.

Wondering Who You’d Be if Love Had Been the Default

Not survival. Not silence. Just love.

Healing often brings grief for the version of yourself that never got to exist in a safe, nurturing environment. It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to mourn.

Healing is Grief

Grief for the childhood you deserved.
Grief for the self you had to bury.
Grief for the love that never came.

But also:
✨ Rebirth.
✨ Reclamation.
✨ Return.

You’re not healing to become someone “better.”
You’re healing to remember who you were before the world taught you to forget.

The Part No One Talks About

Some days, healing has meant spending hours crying.
Hours sitting with my own pain.
Hours processing things I wish I could’ve ignored—because they don’t go away overnight.

There are days I’ve felt heavy and raw, like the grief would never end. And then there are days where I can feel the tiniest shifts—my breath easing, my shoulders dropping, my body trusting that maybe… just maybe… it’s safe now.

You’re Not Hard to Love

You were just raised to believe love had to hurt.
That ends with you.

How This Shows Up in Healing Work

In my practice, I see these truths unfold in sessions all the time. Whether we’re working through Root Cause Therapy, Somatic Healing, Reiki, or Sound Healing, the process often involves:

• Teaching your body and nervous system what safety feels like.

• Releasing deep-rooted patterns of self-blame.

• Creating space for grief and joy.

• Learning to stand in your truth without collapsing back into old roles.

You don’t have to do it alone—and you don’t have to “be ready” to start. Healing meets you where you are.

Book Resource

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. – A compassionate, research-based look at how trauma lives in the body and how we can reclaim safety and connection.

If parts of this resonated with you, know that you’re not broken—you’re healing.
I’d be honored to hold space for you in a session, whether that’s through Mind-Body Trauma Healing, Sound Therapy, or Reiki.

💛 Text 1-269-767-8920 to book or ask questions. What to book online? All services available online or in person at www.restorativehealinghaven.com