Internalized Autism in Women: A Deeply Embodied Journey Into Sensory Life, Masking, Trauma, and Self-Understanding

by Monica Munson, Restorative Healing Haven

Internalized autism in women, femmes, and other AFAB adults is one of the most misunderstood and under-recognized neurotypes. Not because it is rare, but because it often presents inwardly, quietly, and relationally—folding itself into the expectations placed on us from childhood.

Many autistic adults grow up disciplined, spiritualized, parentified, obedient, or hyper-responsible. We learn to read the room faster than we read ourselves. We pick up on subtle emotional shifts. We rehearse words before we say them. We make eye contact because we force ourselves to. We sit still even when our bodies want to rock, tap, braid, fidget, or shake.

And in the process, our autism turns inward.

Not absent—just unseen.

This post is written from a blended perspective: part educational resource, part embodied narrative, and part lived truth. It reflects not only my experience as an autistic adult discovering myself at 30, but the shared patterns voiced by countless autistic adults of many genders, cultures, and sensory profiles.

It is not meant to define autism.

It is meant to help us recognize it—especially in bodies that were taught to hide it.

What Internalized Autism Actually Means

Internalized autism is what happens when an autistic child learns very early that the world responds better to their mask than their authentic self.

It shows up as:

• chronic people-pleasing

• high empathy mixed with social confusion

• rehearsed or “scripted” communication

• intense emotional attunement to others

• perfectionism

• “good behavior” at the cost of internal overwhelm

• minimizing sensory pain

• years of being praised for being mature, quiet, or calm

Masking becomes automatic.

So automatic that by adulthood, many of us genuinely don’t know where the mask ends and we begin.

That’s why so many autistic adults say things like:

• “I didn’t know I was masking—I thought that was just life.”

• “I thought everyone else was pushing through pain too.”

• “I thought I was just sensitive.”

• “I assumed everyone’s brain worked like mine, and I was just worse at it.”

Autism doesn’t disappear.

It hides in plain sight.

And eventually, it burns us out.

My Lived Experience: Understanding Myself for the First Time

I grew up being told I was “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” “too reactive,” “too picky,” “too much.”

Those words stick to you when you’re young, so I spent years trying to become “less.”

Less sensitive.

Less overwhelmed.

Less easily startled.

Less affected by sound, light, touch, pain, and unpredictability.

I masked through childhood.

I masked through trauma.

I masked through college.

I masked into a senior corporate role.

I masked through migraines and sensory pain.

I masked every time I stimmed and stopped myself.

I masked through freeze responses, pushing myself to speak even when it physically hurt.

I masked the way bright light blinds me.

I masked the way sound eats through my nervous system.

I masked the way wind moving my hair pulls me out of conversations.

I masked the way I script my interactions so I don’t say the wrong thing.

And now, at 30, I am finally unmasking—slowly, clumsily, and sometimes painfully.

But truthfully.

This blog post is part of that unmasking.

Why So Many Women & Femmes Don’t Realize They’re Autistic Until Adulthood

Autism in AFAB people often presents as:

• internal overwhelm rather than external behavior

• masking instead of visible struggle

• sensory issues interpreted as anxiety

• emotional intensity interpreted as drama

• freezing interpreted as passivity

• shutdowns interpreted as depression

• meltdowns interpreted as overreacting

• monotropism (deep focus) interpreted as passion or perfectionism

• social scripts interpreted as social skills

Many adults spend years believing they’re:

• anxious

• introverted

• socially confused

• “gifted but inconsistent”

• weirdly sensitive

• chronically overwhelmed

• emotionally exhausted

• always “on alert”

Because their autism was never recognized—by others or by themselves.

Add trauma into the mix, and the picture becomes even more complicated.

Autism & Trauma: Two Currents in One Body

Autism does not come from trauma.

Trauma does not create autism.

But trauma masks autism extraordinarily well.

Especially when:

• you grew up in chaotic environments

• you were rewarded for being quiet, calm, or compliant

• your sensory overwhelm was dismissed

• your emotional distress was spiritualized or punished

• you had to predict adults’ emotional states to stay safe

• you learned to freeze or shut down as protection

Autistic trauma often looks like:

• remembering events through sensory detail rather than narrative

• freezing instead of fighting or yelling

• losing speech under stress

• feeling pain but not reacting outwardly

• dissociation that blends with shutdown

• chronic hypervigilance mixed with sensory overwhelm

Many autistic adults say:

• “I thought my freeze response was only PTSD—then I realized it’s also autism.”

• “I thought my hypervigilance was trauma—then I realized my senses were actually on fire.”

• “I thought my fear of being ‘difficult’ was emotional abuse—then I realized I’d been masking my autism for decades.”

The overlap is messy, but not wrong.

It is simply human.

Sensory Processing: The Heart of Autistic Experience

Sensory life shapes autistic identity more than anything else.

Autistic sensory systems are not “overreactions.”

They are deeply tuned instruments—sometimes painfully tuned.

Let’s break down how this feels across the spectrum, blending multiple autistic voices:

Sound Sensitivity: When Noise Hits the Nervous System

For some autistic adults, noise feels like:

• electricity under the skin

• someone scraping your bones

• your brain short-circuiting

• your thoughts dropping out

• your body tensing automatically

Some say:

• “I can hear every conversation in the room at once—and none of them.”

• “Someone opening a chip bag makes my entire spine flinch.”

• “It’s like my body hears danger in loud sounds before my mind does.”

My personal experience:

Sound doesn’t annoy me—it hurts.

Overlapping conversations make my brain go blank.

Loop earplugs are a lifesaver.

Without them, social events are a sensory landslide.

Light Sensitivity: When the World Is Too Bright

Autistic adults describe light as:

• stabbing behind the eyes

• overwhelming brightness that causes dizziness

• migraines triggered by glare

• trouble driving in daylight

• painful disorientation in big box stores

My experience:

Driving on a sunny day feels like staring into a spotlight.

It knocks my cognition sideways.

Hair Sensitivity: A Rarely Discussed Autistic Trait

Some autistic adults cannot stand:

• hair brushing their neck

• loose hair touching their skin

• wind moving their hair

• ponytails pulling on their scalp

• hair being heavy or thick

Others love hair sensations in structured ways (like braiding or intentional touch) but can’t tolerate unpredictable movement.

My experience:

• My hair impacts my sensory system constantly.

• The wind moving my hair can break my focus mid-sentence.

• Long hair caused headaches for years.

• A head wrap is grounding, calming, regulating—almost like giving my sensory system walls again.

This is not preference.

It’s neurological.

Interoception: When the Body Speaks in Its Own Language

Autistic interoception can cause:

• feeling pain intensely but quietly

• missing hunger cues

• having nausea without knowing why

• sensing heart rate changes instantly

• migraines without outward reaction

• gut issues tied to sensory overwhelm

Many autistic adults say:

• “My pain tolerance is high, but the pain itself is still intense.”

• “My body screams quietly.”

My experience:

I can stand, smile, and talk through a migraine—and medical providers often don’t believe its severity because I don’t “look” like someone in pain.

Masking: The Art of Appearing Fine While Falling Apart

Masking is not pretending to be someone else.

Masking is minimizing yourself to match the world.

It looks like:

• copying social patterns

• forcing eye contact

• monitoring your face

• analyzing tone

• rehearsing conversations

• pushing through sensory pain

• shutting down stims

• mirroring others

• being “the helper” or “the emotional sponge”

Many autistic adults say:

• “My mask wasn’t fake—it was a survival strategy.”

• “I didn’t know I was masking until I burned out.”

My experience:

• I masked so constantly that I didn’t even recognize stimming in myself.

• I would stop my hands from shaking before they even started.

• Now that I’m unmasking, the stims come out—and so does the relief.

Meltdowns, Shutdowns & Freezes: What They Actually Look Like in Adults

There is no single autistic meltdown.

They are as varied as autistic bodies.

Freeze Response

For many autistic adults, freeze is the primary meltdown form.

It looks like:

• brain blanking

• inability to speak

• chest tightness

• body immobility

• mental fog

• panic without outward expression

My experience:

• Freeze takes over when someone is upset with me.

• PTSD forces me to speak through it even when it physically hurts.

• My body is shutting down while my trauma conditioning pushes me to stay verbal.

Shutdown

Shutdown may look like:

• being quiet

• withdrawing

• losing words

• needing darkness

• needing compression

• mental exhaustion

• wanting to disappear from sensory input

Meltdown

In adults, meltdowns may be:

• crying

• pacing

• overwhelm

• snapping unintentionally

• sensory distress

• shaking

• emotional flooding

Most adults suppress meltdowns.

It doesn’t make the neurological event less real.

Medical Gaslighting: Why Autistic Adults Are Dismissed

Autistic adults are often dismissed because:

• we express pain atypically

• we stay calm during distress

• we describe symptoms precisely

• we don’t show typical emotional cues

• our sensory pain is misunderstood

• our interoception is minimized

• we mask even in emergencies

Many say:

• “I can explain exactly what’s wrong, so they think I’m exaggerating.”

• “When I’m in pain, I get quieter—not louder.”

• “My normal pain level would send a neurotypical person to the ER.”

My experience:

I once told an ultrasound tech exactly where she was hurting me—she didn’t believe me until she physically pressed the exact rib and saw my reaction.

Autism changes how we express pain.

Not the pain itself.

Autism and Chronic Conditions: The Body That Carries It All

Autistic adults are disproportionately likely to experience:

• hypermobility

• EDS and EDS-like symptoms

• dysautonomia (including POTS)

• mast cell activation

• migraines

• GI issues

• chronic fatigue

• hormonal sensitivity

• sensory-triggered inflammation

This doesn’t mean autism causes illness.

It means autistic bodies process the world differently—and often intensely.

Self-Diagnosis & Formal Diagnosis: Both Valid, Both Real

There is no hierarchy here.

Self-diagnosis is valid

Many autistic adults never pursue formal evaluation because:

• specialists are expensive

• autism is misunderstood in AFAB people

• masking hides traits

• they don’t require documented accommodations

• self-identification is enough

Formal diagnosis is also valid

Some people pursue diagnosis because:

• they need workplace or school accommodations

• they need documentation

• they need medical clarity

• they want formal acknowledgment

• they want support tailored to autistic bodies

My experience:

• I am pursuing a formal diagnosis because I need sensory and functional accommodations in my daily life.

• My nervous system requires different support.

• And I want clinical recognition of what my body has been telling me for years.

Both paths honor the truth.

You do not need permission to know yourself.

If You Believe You Might Be Autistic, It’s Okay to Explore That

You deserve understanding.

You deserve clarity.

You deserve peace.

Explore tests:

RAADS-R → https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/

AQ → https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

Take your time.

You are allowed to unmask slowly.

You are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to be autistic without apology.

If You Need Support, I’m Here

I help autistic and neurodivergent adults through trauma-informed Mind-Body Trauma Healing, somatic work, sensory regulation, and compassionate nervous system support.

If you are navigating masking, burnout, sensory overwhelm, or identity discovery:

📲 Book online or text 269-767-8920 with questions or to book.

Your sensitivity is real.

Your experience is valid.

Your voice matters.